My Name Is Snickerdoodle: Love is not a feeling...it's an ability.

10.15.2009

Love is not a feeling...it's an ability.

Name the movie.

Okay. I didn't need as much time away from my blog as I thought that I did. This little http is such a great outlet for me. A great connection to family, old friends and new ones made because of this little http.

'She starts typing while taking a deep breath...'
Exactly 12 days ago I had a miscarriage. I was almost 3 months along and had high hopes for another fabulous pregnancy. Totally not the case...the typical morning/afternoon/evening sickness, belly aches, aversions to any horrible smells, aversions to eating bacon (the meat of the gods) and brushing my teeth while trying not to gag to the point where I would throw up. I knew every pregnancy couldn't be like it was with Liam. TOTAL BLISS (except for the last month when I couldn't get comfy in any position). However Ian and I were completely and totally excited for another child on the way. It took 5 months on meds (same with Liam) to get pregnant and I was not about to take it for granted. Only family and a handful of other friends shared in the wonderful news. I was waiting until I was 12 weeks to announce it here...just in case.

First let me share one of the many lessons that I have learned because of this 'event'. Everyone handles tragedy differently. Over these last days I have heard many stories of miscarriages and the effect it took on these ladies. Some it was no biggie because they weren't that far along or didn't even know they were pregnant. Some it was so tragic that they have let it effect their lives so much that it has now taken effect on their relationship with their families and with Heavenly Father....positively and negatively.

I think I have gone through all stages of grieving and I am happy to say that I have made through the other side. I don't know if you are like me or not, but sometimes I think about how I would be able to handle different situations if they were to ever arise in my life. You always think that you will be strong and get through it a victor. Then there are some situations that you just don't think you could deal with and convince yourself that you will just be upset. Loosing a child was that for me. I always thought that I would be mad if that ever happened to me.
I surprised myself. When it happened, anger was the furthest thing from my mind. The only thing I felt at that very moment was God's love for me and mine for him. Then came the sadness, hurt, hopefulness, hopelessness, and hopefulness again. Never once, though, did I never not feel God's love.

This is why...
I am a huge believer that our Heavenly Father works through us to fulfill other's lives with love, kindness and service. The entire time I was apprehensive about sharing the fantastic news of another little one on the way, but the excitement always won out. I had thought that if something did happen then we would have that many more people on our side praying and thinking of us. I know that when Ian had called those people and when others had found out of our loss, it was those prayers and thoughts of our loved ones that got me through this hard time and made it much easier to deal. Not only prayers and thoughts, but a ton of phone calls, emails, delicious meals brought into our home, hand delivered treats, letters, visits and packages made it even better.

Thank you to every one who expressed your love to our family in all different ways. Even though this post is super long and full of run on sentences, no words can even express the love and gratitude that I have for you. Most importanly for the intense love that I have for my dear husband who is absolutely the most fantastic husband any girl could ever have. Ian has definitely been my shining star though this whole thing.

I am good.

21 comments:

  1. Thank you for sharing. We love your family so much and wish you only happiness.

    Derek and Kelly

    ReplyDelete
  2. So sorry to hear the news. Thinking of you. I do know exactly how you feel unfortunately, so if there is anything you need (or want), I am here. So happy you have wonderful Ian and Liam to cheer you up.

    ReplyDelete
  3. i was afraid that this is what it was when i read your fb status... i love you, amy! you are such a strong woman. big hugs to you, ian, and liam.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Oh Amy, I am so glad that you have posted. You have been in my thoughts and prayers since that day. I love you!

    ReplyDelete
  5. We are thankful and blessed to have a wonderful daughter, a fabulous son in law and a great and happy grandson. Through them our lives are always blessed. We never know in this life what will come. Good or the bad. We can only concentrate on the good and when the bad happens it does take time to get over it with lots of prayers and loving family and friends.
    Our love to Amy, Ian and Liam.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Amy, thank you for sharing. I've been thinking about you and your little family a lot lately, and I am glad that you are okay. You are truly an example of strength, and one of the most positive, hope-filled friends I have. I am so blessed to know you. Love to you and your boys!

    ReplyDelete
  7. {{{Amy}}} hugs and prayers to you.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Amy, I'm so glad that you are feeling a little better. A miscarriage can be such a huge blow. I cried for a while after I had mine- and I wasn't that far along either. It's just hard. I love you and have been thinking about you! ((hugs))

    ReplyDelete
  9. Amy, we all go through difficult times in our lives. You are very blessed to have so many loving and caring people surrounding you and your family. Life is about becoming more of who you really are. You are a wonderful person.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Amy, we all go through difficult times in our lives. You are very blessed to have so many loving and caring people surrounding you and your family. Life is about becoming more of who you really are. You are a wonderful person.

    ReplyDelete
  11. I am glad you are back, I missed your daily entries. We love you guys so much, and are glad to hear you are doing better. Love You!!!

    ReplyDelete
  12. Sounds like you have an amazing perspective while going through something really difficult. Hope you're feeling better, and I'm glad you're back to blogging, we missed you!

    ReplyDelete
  13. first, i love you.
    second, i hate that you ive in Texas. seriously. lol. ok, i dont hate Texas...i just hate that texas is soooooo far away. you know me and jenn would have been there is there was any possible way for us to be there. trust me, i tried and tried but flights were not working. yes, we were really gonna fly out but standby can stink. sadly, you know what i mean...being stuck without yer luggage!
    Amy, you are my sister in every sense of the word. jenn and i miss you like crazy but know that those Texans are taking care of you. (thank you TEXANS!!) big hugs to you and the boys. we love love looooooove you guys!!!

    ReplyDelete
  14. Amy, I am your mom's friend and coworker. I have been following your blog for a while and now anxiously wait through the week for Fabulous Food Fridays. I also enjoy the pictures of Liam and watching him grow. My prayers and thoughts have been with you. Carole

    ReplyDelete
  15. Oh, sweet Amy. I know God will bless you in this difficult time. I'm here if you ever need to talk :)

    ReplyDelete
  16. Our thoughts and prayers are with you. I am so so sorry for this loss of yours. I love this post and the positive outlook you took despite this huge trial. Your such an insperation.

    ReplyDelete
  17. Amy, I am so sorry to hear of your loss! It's never easy to grieve your hopes and dreams, but leaning on God can certainly help! Take care and Godd Bless!

    ReplyDelete
  18. I'm so sorry for your loss - thank you for sharing with us. I said an extra prayer for you!

    ReplyDelete
  19. I miscarried this last Christmas (Christmas Day to be exact). I was 12 weeks pregnant. The Gospel just makes times like that sooo much easier, especially when we reply on the Savior. You are doing great and the Lord will bless you as you try to grow your family.

    ReplyDelete
  20. Hugs and prayers to you and your family!

    ReplyDelete