Name the movie.
Okay. I didn’t need as much time away from my blog as I thought that I did. This little http is such a great outlet for me. A great connection to family, old friends and new ones made because of this little http.
‘She starts typing while taking a deep breath…’
Exactly 12 days ago I had a miscarriage. I was almost 3 months along and had high hopes for another fabulous pregnancy. Totally not the case…the typical morning/afternoon/evening sickness, belly aches, aversions to any horrible smells, aversions to eating bacon (the meat of the gods) and brushing my teeth while trying not to gag to the point where I would throw up. I knew every pregnancy couldn’t be like it was with Liam. TOTAL BLISS (except for the last month when I couldn’t get comfy in any position). However Ian and I were completely and totally excited for another child on the way. It took 5 months on meds (same with Liam) to get pregnant and I was not about to take it for granted. Only family and a handful of other friends shared in the wonderful news. I was waiting until I was 12 weeks to announce it here…just in case.
First let me share one of the many lessons that I have learned because of this ‘event’. Everyone handles tragedy differently. Over these last days I have heard many stories of miscarriages and the effect it took on these ladies. Some it was no biggie because they weren’t that far along or didn’t even know they were pregnant. Some it was so tragic that they have let it effect their lives so much that it has now taken effect on their relationship with their families and with Heavenly Father….positively and negatively.
I think I have gone through all stages of grieving and I am happy to say that I have made through the other side. I don’t know if you are like me or not, but sometimes I think about how I would be able to handle different situations if they were to ever arise in my life. You always think that you will be strong and get through it a victor. Then there are some situations that you just don’t think you could deal with and convince yourself that you will just be upset. Loosing a child was that for me. I always thought that I would be mad if that ever happened to me.
I surprised myself. When it happened, anger was the furthest thing from my mind. The only thing I felt at that very moment was God’s love for me and mine for him. Then came the sadness, hurt, hopefulness, hopelessness, and hopefulness again. Never once, though, did I never not feel God’s love.
This is why…
I am a huge believer that our Heavenly Father works through us to fulfill other’s lives with love, kindness and service. The entire time I was apprehensive about sharing the fantastic news of another little one on the way, but the excitement always won out. I had thought that if something did happen then we would have that many more people on our side praying and thinking of us. I know that when Ian had called those people and when others had found out of our loss, it was those prayers and thoughts of our loved ones that got me through this hard time and made it much easier to deal. Not only prayers and thoughts, but a ton of phone calls, emails, delicious meals brought into our home, hand delivered treats, letters, visits and packages made it even better.
Thank you to every one who expressed your love to our family in all different ways. Even though this post is super long and full of run on sentences, no words can even express the love and gratitude that I have for you. Most importanly for the intense love that I have for my dear husband who is absolutely the most fantastic husband any girl could ever have. Ian has definitely been my shining star though this whole thing.
I am good.